Confidence building in teens, what have you done?

[CatfishKev]

Strictly confidence isnt what she needs, just part of it.  She told me shes scared that not giving in could lead to a physical confrontation shes not sure she could win. Thats mainly my thought process going towards mma, boxing etc.  The one gym close to my house does boxing, mma, muy thai and ju jitsu. Im thinking thats the way we may,go.  Really considering going to do it with her and even maybe making it a family thing. Actually sounds pretty fun to me.  

[MT_Sourdough]

A person doesn't need to be the tough guy (or gal).  When people know your willing to stand up for yourself you won't get in many fights, unless you're wanting to.  Yea, you may lose a fight, but if you fight hard, bullies look elsewhere for people to target.

When I was a correctional officer, I knew inmates that were huge dudes, but total cowards.  We'd be like "Hey, I would never admit telling you this, but if you do not hit them back, it's never gonna stop".  They'd say they knew it, but just could never muster the courage to throw back.  Big dudes spending most of their time in solitary confinement of some sort because they never had it in them to hit back despite being giants.

 

[Hoss50]

BJJ will take a little time, but once they get some time in it, it is empowering. Once you know how to do some of the basics you will already know more then 95% of people walking the streets. 

Mix in a little judo, and basic striking and nobody with half a brain is going to want to deal with you if they have the choice. 

Bjj is appealing to people who have less physical prowess because even small people with some mat time can take out much larger opponents. 

I am a white belt, but have some wrestling experience and football in my background. I am also a giant human at 6'4" and 320lbs. Dudes literally half my size with just a few years of training tap me out pretty regularly. 

[stanley]

10 hours ago, CatfishKev said:

Strictly confidence isnt what she needs, just part of it.  She told me shes scared that not giving in could lead to a physical confrontation shes not sure she could win. Thats mainly my thought process going towards mma, boxing etc.  The one gym close to my house does boxing, mma, muy thai and ju jitsu. Im thinking thats the way we may,go.  Really considering going to do it with her and even maybe making it a family thing. Actually sounds pretty fun to me.  

There is obviously some good advice here.

Not to discount the issue, but I'm thinking much of it will fade away over time as she (and the people she associates with... "friends"....) mature and grow their life skills in the coming years.  One thing that stands-out to me, is that you obviously have a great relationship with her.  The fact that your wife & you have these types of open discussions with your daughter and that she confides in you, is HUGE in my opinion!  There is no one 'right' way to raise a child, but it sounds to me like you are doing it well!

Good luck to the young lady!

[lancetkenyon]

It was not her strict upbringing.  That is just good parenting.  Which too many kids lack these days.  

Luckily, I have two strongwilled kids who know right from wrong and have family values and good morals.  They might both be soft spoken, but know how to quietly remove themselves from a situation they should not be in.  The "fear of Dad" is strong in them both. 

And their friends fear me too.  Which is a good thing.  Because they should.  I make that first impression count whenever I meet a new friend.

[PRDATR]

12 hours ago, CatfishKev said:

Strictly confidence isnt what she needs, just part of it.  She told me shes scared that not giving in could lead to a physical confrontation shes not sure she could win. Thats mainly my thought process going towards mma, boxing etc.  The one gym close to my house does boxing, mma, muy thai and ju jitsu. Im thinking thats the way we may,go.  Really considering going to do it with her and even maybe making it a family thing. Actually sounds pretty fun to me.  

As a family it can be very rewarding. One thing I will add is if she does pursue it you should attend every session with her. I can't tell you how many times I watched parents drop their kids off when my kids were in class at the Y. 

Same thing when I coached Little League, half the parents never stayed for practice or the games.

[firstcoueswas80]

7 hours ago, Hoss50 said:

BJJ will take a little time, but once they get some time in it, it is empowering. Once you know how to do some of the basics you will already know more then 95% of people walking the streets. 

Mix in a little judo, and basic striking and nobody with half a brain is going to want to deal with you if they have the choice. 

Bjj is appealing to people who have less physical prowess because even small people with some mat time can take out much larger opponents. 

I am a white belt, but have some wrestling experience and football in my background. I am also a giant human at 6'4" and 320lbs. Dudes literally half my size with just a few years of training tap me out pretty regularly. 

I rolled with a 3 stripe white belt, maybe 5'7 170 pounds last week. He tapped me (6'3 270#) twice. I did smash him a little but didnt get any taps.

[Huntnfish]

1 hour ago, lancetkenyon said:

It was not her strict upbringing.  That is just good parenting.  Which too many kids lack these days.  

Luckily, I have two strongwilled kids who know right from wrong and have family values and good morals.  They might both be soft spoken, but know how to quietly remove themselves from a situation they should not be in.  The "fear of Dad" is strong in them both. 

And their friends fear me too.  Which is a good thing.  Because they should.  I make that first impression count whenever I meet a new friend.

I can just hear that country song playing " I'll be here cleaning my high end, custom precision rifle". Haha.

[Hoss50]

58 minutes ago, firstcoueswas80 said:

I rolled with a 3 stripe white belt, maybe 5'7 170 pounds last week. He tapped me (6'3 270#) twice. I did smash him a little but didnt get any taps.

It is humbling to be on the mats. We have a pair of assistant coaches who are young tall purple belts that are flexible. They are only about 170lbs, but are the kryptonite to my heavy top game.

I catch them occasionally, but they catch me at least twice for every 1 of mine. I love training. I am a big strong dude who doesn't have alot of confidence issues, but BJJ has help me be more calm, cool, and collected in my business life, and I have only been training for about 7 months. 

[firstcoueswas80]

I bent my purple belt instructor in half the other day (think head and arm chome with a modified Eddie Bravo electric chair). Put his foot above his head and he said "nice move but thats not gonna work. I've been doing yoga"

[lancetkenyon]

No joke, Taylor (16) has a boyfriend now.  He thinks he is funny.  He was texting me the other night, I guess trying to be funny.  I sent him this photo, and told him "First round hit at 1500 yards.  I could easily hit a human head at over 3/4 mile with no one even knowing where it came from." He quit texting me.

Then, when he was over at our house one Saturday, I returned from the desert shooting long range.  I think it was quite sobering as I brought in 4 long range rifles in a row as I walked by without saying a word to him.

[Zeke-BE]

36 minutes ago, lancetkenyon said:

No joke, Taylor (16) has a boyfriend now.  He thinks he is funny.  He was texting me the other night, I guess trying to be funny.  I sent him this photo, and told him "First round hit at 1500 yards.  I could easily hit a human head at over 3/4 mile with no one even knowing where it came from." He quit texting me.

Then, when he was over at our house one Saturday, I returned from the desert shooting long range.  I think it was quite sobering as I brought in 4 long range rifles in a row as I walked by without saying a word to him.

[naturebob]

I think all kids are different. My 3 were , they just have to find their niche. And that builds the confidence. One kid couldn't play sports he sucked at everything, took up guitar 3 years later front man for a band and all the female perks that come with it . The other son and Daughter were sports stars the latter son got burned out and went to Kung Foo12 years ago now 26 He is , Well say i wouldnt mess with Him...Good luck Kev...........BOB!

[rcdinaz]

Agree with Bob. I have 3 daughters the youngest 2 did do karate early but didn't stick with it.  All sports are good, martial arts are great, gymnastics is great. BJJ and Boxing are probably the best MA, they translate well into actual fighting.  You can throw a gymnastics kid in anything and they will be good at it. 

A good coach is probably just as important as the task to be learned. 

[naturebob]

I grew up with Billy Blanks, the Tie boe Man. This was in Erie ,Pa  He has studios  all over LA.  Talk about confidence. He had 11 Brothers. Most played Basketbal. I remember Going in the Martin Luhther King center in Erie in 1972, Me and 1 Buddy were the only White dudes in there. I I was a little Nervous at first ,but I knew half of the Men in there  We were respected  because We could play and We had confidence.  BILLY was not a basketball player . All his brothers were.. I was real good friends with 2 of them. You guys want to see a real American google up Charles Blanks. Lifer in the Marines and built like a brick shoot house. His Pics make me proud to Have known Him . I Think He lives in Modesto now.. THey all got confidence From their Brother Billy and Joe Who I played Against. Both a year older than me. Brother Ray was My age and a Good friend.Nice to share this story. This is a Great American Family. All about confidence..........BOB!