Opinions/help with my stepson

[Tropicalmulch]

Okay so this is my first post that I created night believe. I'm just looking for opinions and advice. Here's my situation I'm a step-dad, the real dad is in the picture and takes him on weekends (which I think is good) but his real dad is unable to and just not a hunter. My stepson seems to like to hunt hrs killed a cow, a whitetail and a javalina. Seemed to have fun and all of those hunts as well as dove hunts. He has a jr deer tag this year along with his older cousin (my stepson is 13 ) last weekend he was all for scouting but we ended up shooting instead. That was Saturday, I scouted for his hunt on Sunday and found a six buck bachelor heard with 2 90 inchers and possibly a studd 4x4. I showed him pictures when he got back from his real dad's for the weekend thinking excitement would set in. Today I ask if he wants to scout on Saturday morning and he's like no I want to stay home...... I told him ... so you just want to go pull the trigger and let someone else do the work? Then I told him that I was glad he was able to tell me he didn't want to go because if he doesn't want to be there is really don't want him there because that's no fun for anyone. I'm still going scouting and taking him hunting and hoping he is successful but I'm frustrated because when I was in his position no way would I turn down an opportunity to be in the hills. I know he's not me but what do I do with this? His cousin is all in he'd be there in a heartbeat but logistics don't allow him to be there on every scouting trip. I feel like my stepson only hunts because I like it and his cousin likes it. Dad opinions are super appreciated I'm kinda new to the dad thing and like I said frustrated, why would he want to go last weekend but not this weekend after I showed him good buck pics and this is the weekend before the hunt?

[AzDiamondHeat]

As parents, and step parents it is very difficult for us to not project our interests onto our children. I am guilty of this very thing(as I think many parents are). Love him, support him, and continue to OFFER but not push. If he is going for the wrong reasons eventually he may grow to be bitter about it. HOWEVER, if he is going, let him go for HIS reasons and not yours. Maybe just being there will change his mind.

 

I have to share custody with one of my children. She LOVES to hunt and be outdoors, but she HATES to go hunting. What I mean to say is that she very easily forgets how much she enjoys it until she is out doing it. When she balks at an opportunity to go, I remind her of this, but I never push her. If she says no it is a "no".

[Tropicalmulch]

Thanks for the feedback. That's kinda why I told him I was glad that he was able to tell me he didn't want to go. But I guess I really want him to because I know when he's out there he'll have a good time and mayeah have a memory other then a video game. But again thanks for the input I'm trying not to push it (it's so hard not to because I know how much I liked it when I was his age) but I know everyone is different and this just may not be his thing.

[Zeke-BE]

I loved being in the hills too being a kid. But I cried about any reason that I had to get up early on my Saturday to just look around. Maybe once every 5-6 weeks I would of done it. But if my dad was trying to get me to go out every other week I would want to stay home too! You know sleep in, play with friends, do nothing after chores were done, watch a movie. The typical teenager!!! Not all out doors men or outdoor boys are die hards. Good luck though I hope he has a fun time. If he doesn't want to do any scouting but only pull the trigger, well he should have a hunt were dad or step dad doesn't scout. Your hunt is your hunt/scout trip. My dad did that for years

[Flatlander]

I work with a lot of youth and have kids of my own, thoughnot yet hunting age. Right now when my kids are young sometimes I tell them they are coming even if they don't want to, because it's time with Dad. Most often I let them choose, and they usually choose to come.

 

However with the teenagers I work with, they almost all get to a point with their parents that they want to make their own decisions and say no to some things. Sometimes it has nothing to do with interest and a lot more to do with independence. My experience tells me that when their reach for independence becomes a power struggle, no one wins.

 

Let the kid say no from time to time. After all, it's recreation, and make the most of the times he says yes. You will both win.

[Big Browns]

Welcome to my world......

[Tropicalmulch]

Zeke I feel like that your hunt is your hunt mentality is coming in the future but in my situation he's just been introduced to hunting in the last couple of years so I hear what you're getting at but at the same time want to give it a chance to develop a little.

Flatlander I think you might be on point with the independence thing. Which I strongly encourage. I don't want him to be a puppet. So I guess I'll have to take what I can get. However if he tells me he wants to put in for a tag and he draws one come opening day he's hunting like it or not. I had this talk with him on his first javi hunt. He didn't want to be there which was fine with me but my problem was with her wanted to put in and there was a kid at home who didn't draw that would have loved to be hunting. I explained that to him and told him then be sure you want to hunt if you're gonna tyrantt86@live.com and draw a tag

[Tropicalmulch]

I really appreciate the feedback guys, I was pretty frustrated this afternoon even though I realize it is what it is and it may take time to swing one way or the other. I guess I just needed vent and see what others though or what others would do being more experienced being teen dad's

[singleshot]

As a parent of both my own, and step kids I have had my struggles also. My son who is mine, has accompanied me on hunts since he was probably five. At times I walked him too hard but you would be surprised at how far even pre teens can hoof it. It took everything I had to let him build fires, throw rocks and beat on things with sticks while we were glassing but I wanted him to have fun also. Teen age years added sports and girl friends and high school activities, things that are important and irreplaceable at that time in their life. So I told myself I would try to get them tags and if it worked out we would go and if it didn't we wouldn't. Sometimes it tore me up hanging out at home when they had a good tag.

I went through the same thing with my daughter also.

My step daughters wanted to go so we tried it and they harvested a couple of animals and decided they didn't like it so that was that. Now as adults and in good shape they love to go and see the things few others get to witness.

At Christmas I bought them things that I would have dreamed of, probably not things they dreamed of, but now they have some quality life time possessions instead of junk and they seem to appreciate it.

My best advice is to try and make it fun and not so much work. I filled cases of bottled water with food coloring to make target practice funner, cut out animal archery targets and glued them to plywood and then cut them out. Shot old water melons, cantaloupes etc.

Good luck

[CatfishKev]

When I first started taking my kids fishing I'd get annoyed if they didn't sit and watch there rods. I soon realized forcing a kid to be patient will only have the exact opposite effect that I want. Now if they go I let them pretty much run wild and I watch the rods. Which ever kid is there when I have a run gets the fish. As long as they look back and remember fishing being fun that will make them want to do it later in life. Even if most time at the lake isn't actually fishing.

[muledeerarea33?]

Welcome to my world......

was waiting for you to chime in. Need more from an experienced one like you!

[Tropicalmulch]

Good feedback. Bottom line is it needs to be fun for him and I get that. I guess the fun came naturally for me. I want him to have fun but also learn how to speak his mind (which was not going scouting this weekend) cool, I gave him kudos for that. So I guess even though at this point he's not who I was, when I was his age atleast he can tell me I don't want to go scouting. I'm grateful for that actually because even if he never wants to go to the desert again (which I seriously doubt he loves shooting and quads and all that) atleast I know he's learning how to stand up for what he wants. Learning to use his voice and have a backbone

[Flatlander]

You are doing fine. Being a parent is frustrating. And now when I look back on my teen years, I passed up a lot of hunting opportunities to do other stuff, and I was a die hard. I always loved hunting, but I also loved my gf, hanging with my friends, sports and hobbies. I had some good tags that I wish Now I had made better use of, and Some that I think I shouldn't have had such high expectations for. If he is showing any interest, let him foster more of it and give him tons of positive reinforcement. Kids thrive on that.

[Adicted]

from my experience...if you get him to kill a deer.....he will be hooked after that for life...

[elkaholic]

while my son was growing up - he enjoyed going with me and being outdoors - making it fun can be hard but taking time to explore different things and not just a pack in - glass - pack out on scouting trips - them having their own time too - let them take the lead and decide whats happening that trip

 

all my sons hunts were separate from mine we never put in together till he was older-college

 

it was his tag - he decide 90% of everything - easy to help with all the hunting essentials - but the what time to get up - wanted to sleepin we slept in - wanted to hunt that hill - we went to that hill etc. it's his hunt I carried a pack with all gear needed - his choice to shoot or not to shoot -

 

now its like He's grown and has his own life - finally back in Arizona so we are starting to put in for hunts together this time!

 

talking and finding out what he really wants to do is 1/2 the battle -

 

sure you want him to go hunting and enjoy it as much as you do - especially together - I hope it works out for you - if not right now then later

 

 

don't spoil it now!