Jeff Foxworthy on Alaska

[CHD]

Jeff Foxworthy on ALASKA

 

 

If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18

inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by,

you might live in Alaska.

 

If you have ever refused to buy something because it's "too spendy"

you might live in Alaska.

 

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you

might live in Alaska.

 

If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the

year, you might live in Alaska.

 

If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work

there,you might live in Alaska.

 

If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his

forehead, you might live in Alaska.

 

If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live

in Alaska.

 

If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live

in Alaska.

 

If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who

dialed a wrong number, you might live in Alaska.

 

If you see a really pretty girl in a bikini and say I bet she would

really look good in a snow machine suit, you might live in Alaska.

 

 

YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE ALASKANITE WHEN:

 

01. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a truck

plowing snow on the highway.

 

02. "Vacation" means going to Valdez.

 

03. You measure distance in hours.

 

04. You know several people who have hit a Moose more than once.

 

05. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back

again.

 

06. Your whole family wears blue jeans to church on Sunday.

 

07. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging

blizzard, without flinching.

 

08. You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including

weddings).

 

09. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave

both unlocked.

 

10. You think of the major food groups as beer and Salmon

 

11. You carry jumper cables in your car and your wife or girlfriend

knows how to use them.

 

12. There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at Mill's Fleet

Farm at any given time.

 

13. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

 

14. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled

with snow.

 

15. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and

road construction.

 

16. You can identify a southern or eastern accent.

 

17. You know how to polka.

 

18. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to

your blue spruce.

 

19. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.

 

20. Down South to you means Seattle.

 

21. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole shed.

 

22. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.

 

23. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.

 

24. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly."

 

25. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all

your Alaska friends.