Divorce Agreement

[Huntress283]

While I was in college one of my professors gave my class a copy of this letter during a lecture but I'm sure it is all over the internet, as there are a handful of variations of this letter now.

 

 

 

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:

 

We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

 

Here is a model separation agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them).

We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood.

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill.

We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "The National Anthem". I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", "Kum Ba Ya" or "We Are the World".

We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete.

 

In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you anwar which one of us will need whose help in 15 years....

 

 

 

 

Sincerely,
John J. Wall
Law Student and an American

 

P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand & Jane Fonda with you.

[Snapshot]

Nice. I wish I could have given that agreement to my ex wife, instead of the one I got.

[yumabowhunter]

I've seen that numerous times and like it more each time. Spot on!

 

Problem is I think only 20% of the country would choose the correct side.

[Guest wdenike]

Thank you for your thoughts young lady!!! I sure hope there are many many more just like you, and the fine professor!!! I really think how ever that it is not to far from reality. And probably not a bad idea. Good luck in your future!!!

 

 

 

Take care, Willie

[mattys281]

At some point texas will send that exact letter to the white house and on that day i'll likely take a little drive east. That is unless az decides to join them.