azslim Report post Posted January 27, 2012 These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers: FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old, Hateful little bastard. Bites! FREE PUPPIES 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog. FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd. Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound. COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale. JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer £100. WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE . Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie. **** And the WINNER is... **** FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything. Statement of the Century Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly. "If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?" >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Children Are Quick TEACHER: Why are you late? STUDENT: Class started before I got here. ____________________________________ TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables. __________________________________________ TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' TEACHER: No, that's wrong GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. (I Love this child) ____________________________________________ TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DON ALD: H I J K L M N O. TEACHER: What are you talking about? DON ALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O. __________________________________ TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WINNIE: Me! __________________________________________ TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty? GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. _______________________________________ TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. ' MILLIE: I is.. TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.' MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.' ________________________________ TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him? LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand..... ______________________________________ TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook. ______________________________ TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his? CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog. ___________________________________ TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? HAROLD: A teacher __________________________________ Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JLW Report post Posted January 27, 2012 those ads made me laugh out loud! thanks I needed that! james Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
stanley Report post Posted January 27, 2012 Nice comic relief on a friday, Slim! All were good, but the last one was great! S. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tjhunt2 Report post Posted January 27, 2012 Most of us are so ready for some humor Bill. "The very reason I don't own encyclopaedias". The only thing my wife doesn't know is your correct name. She's still calling you Jim TJ Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
azslim Report post Posted January 28, 2012 not even close......it's the thing you hate to get in the mail every month......Bill Slim got hung on me when I was in the Marine Corps, even then it didn't really fit Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tjhunt2 Report post Posted January 28, 2012 Peg & I are hoping to see ya on the Women's Javelina Hunt. Later Jim........i mean Bill TJ Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
azslim Report post Posted January 28, 2012 unfortunately I'm not going to be able to make it this year, have a beer for me tho Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
