Archery & the Nature of Boys

[WinMag]

Enjoy this hilarious story from an old engineer who knew no better

than most kids his age.

 

Archery & the Nature of Boys - Author Unknown

 

Around age 10 my dad got me a really cool present . . . One

of those little badass compound bow beginner kits. Of course, the

first month I went around our place sticking arrows in anything that

could get stuck by an arrow. Did you know that a 1955 40 horse

Farmall tractor will take 6 rounds before it goes down? Tough sumbich.

 

After a week or two simple targets got boring, so being the 10

yr. old Dukes of Hazard fan that I was, I quickly advanced to taking

strips of cut up T-shirt doused in Chainsaw gas tied around the end

and was sending flaming arrows all over the place. Cool! Keep in

mind that I lived in an area that was 99.999% humidity swampland so

there really wasn't any fire danger. I'll put it this way - a set of

post hole diggers and a 3ft. Hole and you had yourself a well.

 

Anyway, one summer afternoon, I was shooting flaming arrows

into a large rotten oak stump in our backyard. I was making good

progress and my aim was honestly quite good, but even the flames

weren't quite enough that day. As I was lighting up another arrow I

looked over under the carport and saw a shiny brand new can of

starting fluid (ether). Yup, my trusty light bulb went off.

 

I grabbed the can and started walking toward the smoking

stump, but then thought . . . When I hit the can with the arrow it

would probably just spray out in a disappointing manner. I could

probably do better. Let's face it . . .. To a 10 yr. Old

mouth-breather like myself, the ether really didn't seem like it was

going to be all that flammable. So, I went back into the house and

got a 1 pound can of pyrodex (black powder for my dad's muzzle loader

rifles). Yeah! Now we're talkin'!

 

Back outside, I set the can of ether on the stump and opened

up the can of black powder. My intentions were to sprinkle a little

bit around the ether can but it all sorta dumped out on me. No

biggie...1lb pyrodex and 16oz ether should make a loud pop, kinda

like a firecracker you know? I knew you had to pack it tight to make

an explosion, so I was still pretty safe . . . Just a cool flash,

right?

 

On second thought, screw that. I'm going back in the house

for the other can. Yup, I got the second can of pyrodex and dumped

it too. OK. Now we're cookin'.

 

I stepped back about 15ft and lit the 2-stroke-gassed-up

arrow. I drew the nock to my cheek and took aim. As I released the

arrow from my bow I heard a clunk behind me. In a slow motion time

frame, I turned to see my dad getting out of the truck... OH S##T!

 

He just got home from work. So help me God it took 10 minutes

for that arrow to go from my bow to the can. My dad was walking

towards me in slow motion with a WTF look in his eyes. I turned back

towards my target just in time to see the arrow pierce the starting

fluid can right at the bottom. Bull's eye! . . . Right through

the main pile of pyrodex and into the can. WOW!

 

The shock knocked me off my feet. Well, truthfully, I don't

know if it was the actual compression wave that threw me back or just

a reflex kick-back from 235 frickin' decibels of sound. Honestly, I

think I only caught a half a millisecond glimpse of the violence, but

I will tell you there was an instant cloud of dust,

grass, and bugs all hovering 1ft above the ground as far as I could

see. It was like the earth moved 12 inches down and left all the

dust, swarms of grasshoppers and spiders, and even a crawfish or two

right where they had been sitting. Wow! Amazing!

 

The daylight turned purple. Let me repeat this...THE DAYLIGHT

TURNED PURPLE! There was a slow rolling mushroom cloud about that had

climbed to about 2000ft above our backyard. There was a big sweet gum

tree by the gate going into the pasture. Notice I said "was". That

hulk just gave up and fell over.

 

I was on the ground blown completely out of my shoes with my

Thundercats T-shirt shredded.

 

My dad was on the other side of the carport having what I can

only assume was a Vietnam flashback - ECHO BRAVO CHARLIE, YOUR BRINGIN'

EM IN TOO CLOSE!! CEASE FIRE, DAMIT, CEASE FIRE!!!!!

 

I noticed that his hat had blown off and was lying 30 ft.

behind him in the driveway. I also noticed, with a gut-wrenching

feeling, that all the windows on the north side of the house had

blown out. My Honda 185s 3-wheeler was parked near the site and now

sat with its plastic fenders drooped down and touching the

tires. Dang! I could even see the imprint of the tread into the

plastic . . . musta been hot, still smokin' . . . funny what

you notice at times like that.

 

I wish I knew what I said to my dad at this moment. Truth is,

I don't know even if I said something. I couldn't hear anything

. . . even inside my own head. I don't think he would have heard

me anyway... not that it really mattered.

 

I don't remember much from this point on. I said something,

felt a sharp pain, saw black, woke up, felt another sharp pain,

blacked out, woke later...my mother told me later that I repeated

this process for more than an hour. She also said she had to give me

CPR and tried to keep dad from continuing to get at me. Yeah, bring

me back to life so dad could kill me again. Thanks mom.

 

One thing is for sure... I never had to mow around that stump

again. Mom had been bitching about that thing for years and dad

never did anything about it. I stepped up to the plate and took care

of business.

 

Dad sold his muzzleloaders a week or so later. I still have

some sort of bone growth abnormality . . . either from the blast

or the beating or both.

 

 

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is, get your kids outside

more....into a good sport like archery. Its good discipline and will

teach them skills they can use later on in life. Something they

won't learn in school.

[afmalinois]

Holy crap that is one of the funniest things I have read in a long time......HAHAHAHA.

 

Thanks for posting that, I needed the laugh!