Huntin' Jokes

[Jimmer Negamanee]

Did I ever tell you about the time I was hunting with my brother, my dad and my uncle on an early rifle bull hunt in Unit 1? (Or was it 27? Heck, I don’t remember.)

 

All I know is that we'd hunted hard all day. We were exhausted and were just sitting around staring at the campfire. We were imbibing, as was our practice in those days, when my brother started goofing around with his cow call. He was trying to blow the lint out of it, or some such nonsense, when we heard this bugle just a few hundred yards away. We all got silent and stared at each other in the flickering fire light.

 

Then, just for fun, my dad let out a bugle. And the bull cut him off! That bull was HOT and getting closer! Then my uncle let another bugle go and that bull was on top of us!

 

Next thing we know this monster bull, easily 380+, comes charging out of the darkness. First we saw his ivory tipped rack at the edge of the firelight. Then we watched in awe as he came trotting on in, right through the middle of our camp, snortin' and slobberin' and spoilin' for a fight.

 

Well, naturally, as soon as I saw him I took a shot. Then my brother took a shot, then dad took a shot, then my uncle took a shot. Then I took another shot for good measure.

 

But by the time we got the cap back on the whiskey bottle that bull long gone. He prolly ran all the way to Unit 27. (Or was it 1? Heck, I don’t remember.)

 

[.270]

one time these 2 youngsters wuz axin' me about huntin' and i was tellin' em about this man killin' lion i hunted down once. me and 2 other guys, 3 mules and 14 hounds. i told em how it killed all the mules, most o' the dogs then it killed one o' the other guys. then it got the other one. but i kept after it. sneakin' and trackin'. then i come around a bend in the canyon and this lion jumped out at me just feet away and he went "ROOOAAAR". and i said "well, i just $h!t in my pants." one o' the youngsters said "i'd $h!t my pants too if a man killin' lion jumped out like that" and i said, "no not then, i $h!t my pants just now when i said ROOOOAAR!". Lark.

[azslim]

don't ya hate it when those little surprises happen Lark......

[Jimmer Negamanee]

So my buddy and I were out quail hunting. We’d just busted up a covey and picked off a few singles and figured we’d wait for a bit, have some water and see if they’d start calling to regroup.

 

No sooner had my buddy knelt down next to a bush to tie his boot when we hear a BUZZZZZ then my friend leaps up with his hand on his right back pocket as the rattler retreated into the desert.

 

He immediately drops his trousers to reveal two fang marks in his right buttock.

 

“Crap! We’re a mile from the truck. What are we gonna do?” I yelled.

 

“Dude, relax! I need to you take my knife and make a small incision between the fang marks and suck out the venom. It’s my only chance.” He said.

 

“Yeah, about that.” I said. “That’s not gonna happen.”

 

“Come on! It’s our only choice!” He said.

 

“You know what? I’m gonna get a second opinion.” I said as I pulled out my cell phone and dialed 911.

 

I explained to the 911 operator what our situation was and, wouldn’t you know it, she told me to make a small incision between the fang marks and to suck out the venom.

 

So, I asked “What if I don’t do that?”

 

“Your friend is going to die.” She replied.

 

“Thank you very much for your help ma’am. “ I said as I flipped the phone shut.

 

“What they say?” My friend asked, looking a little paler now.

 

“She said you’re gonna die.”

 

[BASS]

 

Did I ever tell you the one about Casey when he was just starting out?

 

He actually manage to kill a monster buck and understandably was having a lot of trouble dragging it out of the woods. He suddenly remembers someone on CWT saying that its easier to carry nice bucks out of the woods if you drag them by the horns. Since all them good ole boys were so smart, he decided to give it a try. After several hundred yards he thinks to himself "this is SO much easier!" But didn't realize he was getting farther from the truck.

 

 

 

 

Just ribbing ya Casey, good luck this year.

[donniedent]

Two southern men were sitting in a tree stand bow hunting whitetails. A BIG buck walked out and one of the men drew his bow for the shot. Just about the time he was gonna release he noticed a funeral procession driving down the highway across the feild. He let his bow down, grabbed his hat and put it over his heart as the cars passed. Of course at that point the buck took off. After all was said and done, his buddy said "That was offal respectful of ye, Idda shot that bad boy and let them folks pass." The first man replied "Well shoot, I was married to her for 35 years!"

 

My favorite hunting joke.

[Brian Payne]

What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

 

 

 

 

 

...Beer nuts are $1.49 a bag and deer nuts are under a buck.

[bstpeter]

Finally a True Deer storyl!!

 

Here's a picture of the new world record whitetail.

It was taken by the cousin of a co-worker's sister's, uncle's, best friend's, son-in-law's, niece's hairdresser's, neighbor's ex-boyfriend's oldest nephew. Reportedly it will score 2603-1/8 by B&C standard and was shot in West Texas on a really windy day, 85 degrees downhill, around a curve at 900 yards with a .22 cal. rifle.

Supposedly, this deer had killed a Brahma bull, two Land Rovers and six Jehovah's Witnesses in the last two weeks alone. They said it was winning a fight with Bigfoot when it was shot. It had also been confirmed that the buck had been seen drinking discharge water from a nuclear power plant.

This has been checked on Snopes who confirmed it.

Honest!!!

Sincerely,

Barack Obama

[firstcoueswas80]

Did I ever tell you the one about Casey when he was just starting out?

 

He actually manage to kill a monster buck and understandably was having a lot of trouble dragging it out of the woods. He suddenly remembers someone on CWT saying that its easier to carry nice bucks out of the woods if you drag them by the horns. Since all them good ole boys were so smart, he decided to give it a try. After several hundred yards he thinks to himself "this is SO much easier!" But didn't realize he was getting farther from the truck.

 

 

 

 

Just ribbing ya Casey, good luck this year.

 

 

Somehow I missed this one, but let me point out a few "flaws"

 

First, you start out with me killing a monster buck... Yeah right. I wish!

 

Second: having trouble dragging it out of the woods: THATS a funny joke

 

[daryl_s]

What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

 

 

 

 

 

...Beer nuts are $1.49 a bag and deer nuts are under a buck.

 

 

I have worn this one out with my friends and co workers ever since you posted.....love it!!!!

[.270]

hunting joke=7mm/08. Lark.

[Gut Pile]

So, I built my first ground blind................You think 8 foots deep enough? Ha Ha!

 

Stack'em High!

 

Bucks Beware............I'm huntin Ninja style! Stick & String Yo! You been warned

[bojangles]

Osamas last face book post.

 

 

 

 

 

[gearsnagger]

CWT <--- :lol: :lol:

[stanley]

First time/novice hunter is out in the woods with his buddies. He gets lost, but remembers that the universal signal for needing help while hunting is to shoot three times into the air. He does this, waits 1/2 hour, then does it again. Help never comes, and he has to spend the night in the woods huddled under some oak leaves for warmth. Well, he ends-up surviving the night and in the morning his buddies finally find him. Exhausted and thirsty, but alive and well.

 

When asked why he didn't light a signal/smoke fire, he answers that he decided to use the universal distress signal of shooting three times in the air. He said that he would have kept doing it all night, except he ran out of arrows!!

 

S.