whats the funniest thing thats happened

[.270]

i must really be old or have just spent a lotta time in the woods. could be both i guess. plus i've always run with a real ignernt bunch o' fellers. i've either had every one of these things happen to me or have witnessed them happen to someone else firsthand. from shirts, coats and coveralls gettin' crapped on, bees and yeller jackets in the mouth, fallin' down, barfin', missin', crashin', etc., etc. i've been in on some stuff that was funny as heck but too stupid or gross to even list on here. i mean i gotta reputation, but dang, i don't want nobody to know all the truth. just the real good stuff. this is good stuff. makes me realize i ain't the only goofy sucker in the woods. Lark.

[More D]

Let's hear it '06! I sure it's not THAT gross/bad!

 

 

 

 

[.270]

'06?!?!!? you stinkin' homer. don't be associatin' me with no junk. Lark.

[KGAINES]

I had a general javelina tag a few years ago and a five days before my hunt I tore a hamstring, I decide to go anyways, I could barely walk, heck I could barely sit, on opening day I would drive to high points and glass, my brother was with me to help out, but hiking was not an option, at least not like I usually do, well as I am driving I have a game warden stop me, he tells me it is illegal to hunt from a vehicle, I start explaining my situation, and he isn't buying it, I tell him that I am severely bruised and I can barely walk, he says really in about the most sarcastic tone possible, well not liking being called a liar sort of, I step out of the truck and tell the guy I can show him the bruise, he sort of stands there without saying anything, I pull the forest gump, I pull down my pants, my leg was bruised from just above my ankle to about halfway up my back, black and blue, the warden immediately points out to me every possible place I might glass, or drive to and find javelina, it was wet and rainy most of my hunt and I didn't get one, but I might have put at least one game warden into shock.

[DesertBull]

That poor ranger probably had to take a "mental day" after viewing that. Does the G&F have a shrink on staff?

[az4life]

Keith, If he was a "mean" warden, he might have cited you for hunting "Bare" out of season ! I bet he tells that story more than you do!

 

He probably says,

"The best excuses I ever heard...

Ya know, I was patroling my unit and caught this guy road hunting, he gives me a Lame excuse about him being Lame from a hamstring pull and I would not believe him. Next thing I know he drops his pants and is mooning me and pointing to the bruised leg. I felt sort of bad for him cause when he turned around I snapped his picture. After that, I told him where to go find some javelinas."

 

Different perspective, but still a good story!

 

Couldn't resist... I guess I have been reading too many Lark posts.

[KGAINES]

I hope he felt sorry for me, I would hate to think he told me where to hunt because he liked what he saw. DessertBull I am sure the guy was traumatized, but then he had to get a shrink to believe that he actually was telling the truth, I can hear the shrink now, how did you feel about that.

[.270]

a friend o' mine was tryin' to get on a plane in SLC. kept settin' off the metal detector. he kept tellin' em he had a rod in his femure in his leg but they dint believe him. so he pulled down his pants and showed em the scar. and he dint have no underwear on. he was tryin' to pull his pants down and the metal detector guy was tryin' to pull em up. it was real funny. this was nearly 30 years ago, or he'da probly went to prison. Lark.

[More D]

You see '06 that wasn't too bad, keep them coming!

 

 

J/k with the '06 part...............kinda

 

 

 

 

 

[Rembrant]

Another Warden story:

I once worked with an attractive middle aged woman who told me this story. Her husband introduced her to a game warden friend of his who, when he met her said," Oh yeah, you have an attractive shower cap." She knew instantly what he was talking about.

She and her husband lived in the country where one day, home alone, she was showering when her dogs engaged in an all out brawl just outside the house. Not wanting damaged dogs and a vet bill, and since the house was not near any others, she left the shower, and the house to break up the dog fight with nothing but a shower cap on.

The Game Officer was parked a ways away from the house, doing his job, surveying numbers of prairie dogs with quality optics.

Bet them game guys have a lot of stories!!

 

Mike

[fatfootdoc]

I was not going to put this in because I grew up in Flagstaff and some of you may know this guy, but it is hilarious so I will just leave out his name. We used to go to the Kaibab every fall to archery hunt and one year one of my buddies got a new coleman stove, he was not the brightest bulb in the box mind you, and he decided he would cook us all dinner on it. Well he goes in the wall tent and you can hear him working and then he pumps up the stove and turns on the gas, well we are talking and one of us realizes he has not lit the stove and the gas has been on for a good 10 seconds and then we also realize that he has never used a coleman stove before either. So let me summarize ssssssssssssss WHUMP!!!!!

IT was dark and the whole tent was lit up so you could actually see this guys silhouette over the stove, we go running in and there he stands with no eyelashes, brows, or forehead hair, a dazed look and a burnt match in his right hand. At least the stove was lit. Later on that night we were sitting around the fire and he had his new boots propped up on the fire ring and we warned him he better move them but he said they were fine, of course then when he stood up and said All right who spit there gum out here by the fire, I just stepped in it we all knew what had happened, yep He had just customized his boot soles with pine needles and dirt, it was the new natural forest Bob soles. It just was not his night. AG

[Rembrant]

Got another one.

This is gonna sound just like a badger story I told on another string. and it is just like it - only different. Both true stories.

I was with my older brother Matt on his trap line (again). At this time Matt was fairly new with the trapping program and learning quickly. He had placed a cat set in the rock quary at Winona and we were there to check it. Just like the badger story, the set was spent and there was no trap to be found. Matt explained to me that the leg hold trap had a 6 or 7 foot drag chain with a rebar hook to snag up on the nearest small tree. Only problem was there were no trees for at least 150 yds. in any direction, and the ground was too hard to detect any drag marks. So we're walking around studying the ground trying to find this trap when we hear the jingling of a chain. We locate the source of the sound in the quarry, within some big rocks that are all piled up together - and the hook end of the chain!

Matt's got the 22 rifle, it's his trap line, and he's the big brother so, of course, he orders me to grab the chain and pull on it. I don't argue with this guy too much, 'cause through the course of my young life, whenever I did, I would receive conditioning to the response - usually in the form of knuckles.

So I pick up the chain and pull and the growling that comes from the hole makes us agree that what I've got at the end of this 7 foot chain must be a lion!

My brother Matt is one tough son-of-a-gun. He's a hard worker, a trucker, a biker (back before yuppies bought harleys) a heck of a hunter, and he had a tendency to get in a lot of fights, none of which he ever lost and most of which resulted in broken facial bones for the other guy.

So Matt says, "Pull on that chain, and get him out far eonugh so I can put a bullet in his head." Naturally, I ask him if he thinks he should do the pullin' 'cause he's stronger than I am. The answer to that was, "Shut up and just pull that cat out so I can shoot him!"

So I start pulling, and pulling, and the cat sounds like my worst nightmare! After a bit I gain enough ground on the cat to identify the front foot of a bobcat. Only a slight relief at the moment, as tension and fear is surging rampant through every fiber of my being.

Then the cat charges!!!!!! I hang on to the chain with total trust in my brothers abilities only to watch him scream and run off like a little girl!!!! (?)

AHHHHHHGH!!

I drop the chain and run too!

"HEY! YOU CAN'T RUN!! YOU GOT THE GUN!!!"

The cat returned to the hole. I inquired again about a role reversal. Again over ruled.

The cat eventually lost.

Mike

[billrquimby]

I've had many funny exeriences while hunting, but one of the most memorable for me took place in the Santa Catalina Mountains above Tucson many years ago when the backpacking craze was just getting started. I was hunting whitetail off the Powerline Trail when I heard women's voices a way off. With my binocs I found two young ladies walking toward me --- wearing only their backpacks on top. I was standing about 20 feet above the trail, leaning on my Moses stick, when they walked past. Believe it or not they were talking about a recipe for a casserole and didn't see me. I couldn't let them get out of there without letting them know they'd been seen, so I said, "Hello, girls." They ran down the trail to a tree where they put on their shirts and bras, and then ran out of sight. I haven't seen them since, darn it.

 

Bill Quimby

[Diamondbackaz]

Here are a few stories of a friend that spends a lot of time outdoors.

 

He is an avid rifle shooter, and likes to constantly handle his rifles all time. You can even say he fondles them he loves them so much. One day he pulls one out of the safe to play with it, pulls the bolt and shuts it. He squeezed the trigger and a large magnum muzzle blast made his ears ring like church bells, while the bullet left the room via through the wall to the front yard. He didn?t realize that he just jacked in a round that was in the magazine under the bolt. He forgot to unload the magazine the last time he used it. He looked and looked and couldn?t tell where it went. So he took a wooden dowel and stuck it in the hole in the wall. He line up his eye along the dowel and sees it pointing right at his Chevy suburban. There he notices a hole in the rear corner. The bullet went in the outer panel and hit the inner panel where the bullet disintegrated.

 

Same guy different suburban

 

He is out on a hunting trip with his dog sitting in the back seat of the suburban. As he is driving he feels a traveling companion banging on his back door making things uncomfortable. He decides it would be a good thing to let this companion out, and a good idea let the dog do his thing to. The both had a good little break and the dog got to run around so they hit the road again. As he is driving down the road, he kept smelling the aroma of his companion he just left behind. He looked around and realized the dog was breathing on him from the seat behind him. He grabbed the dog?s mouth and opened it up only to find his companion still traveling with them stuck to the top of the dog?s mouth.

 

Same guy, different day

 

I was with him out on an early morning dove hunt. The suns still down and it is only twilight and still kinda dark, the birds started to fly and the shooting began. Soon after it all started, I hear the bang of his shotgun loud and clear with the exception of one shot that went poomp. Ah bad load, so he pumped in another and started shooting again. I kept hearing him shoot and he started to cuss because he isn?t hitting anything. He shoots one more time and notices the muzzle flash coming from the side of his barrel. What the heck he says, and notices the barrel is bulged and split open. No one ever told he needed to clear a wad after a shell with no powder.

[grizzly]

I was 14 when I got my first bow and practiced with that old Martin alot. I talked my uncle into taking me hunting with him in January, we went behind Butcher Jones Beach, he had a javalina and deer tag, I only had money for a javalina tag( over the counter back then, bought it at Yellow Front) My uncles deer tag was for any deer, we were sitting down eating lunch when a large doe walked right behind us about 20 yards away, fairly steep uphill. My uncle quickly grabbed his bow and took aim, I whispered that since it was uphill he needed to aim high, his first shot went right over the does back. The startled deer didnt move but looked at us, his next shot went even higher, hitting off of the rock face behind the deer with a loud smack. The deer then began to trot away as my uncle chased after, trying to knock an arrow on the run and yelling at the deer to come back.