Utah Census Form

[Non-Typical Solutions]

 

 

Utah Census Form

1. _____________________ (Given name)

2. _____________________ (SURNAME)

3. Descendant of:

 

A. Brigham Young _____

B. Heber C. Kimball _____

C. Laman and Lemuel _____

D. Cain _____

 

4. Tribe of Israel : _____________________

5. Number of occupants residing in home in each category:

(Listed in chronological order)

A. Nursery _____

B. Junior Primary _____

C. Senior Primary _____

D. Young Women's _____

E. Young Men's _____

F. Relief Society _____

G. Elder _____

H. Dearly Departed _____

I. ?High Priest _____

 

6. Occupation [Please select all that apply.]:

 

A. Amway dealer _____

B. Shaklee dealer _____

C. Nonie juice dealer _____

D. NuSkin dealer _____

E. Melaleuca dealer _____

 

7. Automobile:

 

A. Station Wagon _____

B. Van _____

C. Suburban _____

D. School Bus _____

E. Double Decker _____

F. BMW (Big Mormon Wagon) ________

 

8. Favorite place to eat the night before Fast Sunday:

 

A. Chuck-A-Rama _____

B. Hometown Buffet _____

C. Sumo Sam's All You Can Eat Feeding Trough _____

 

9. Favorite Hero:

 

A. Nephi _____

B. Abinadi _____

C. Samuel the Lamanite_____

D. Steve Young _____

E. Johnny Lingo _____

 

10. Which of the following do you bring to church [check all that apply.]:

 

A. Scriptures _____

B. Franklin Planner/ Daytimer _____

C. Pen/Pencil _____

D. Lifesavers/ Cheerios _____

E. Tic Tacs _____

F. Game Boy _____

G. Big Gulp _____

H. Cooler _____

I. Sony Walkman _____

J. TV Watch _____

K. All of the above _____

 

11. Do you prepare your church lessons:

 

A. A month in advance _____

B. A week in advance _____

C. While in the bathtub _____

D. While on the toilet _____

E. During Sacrament Meeting _____

F. During the closing prayer of Sacrament Meeting _____

G. During the opening prayer of the class you're teaching ___

H. Just wing it [according to the promptings of the Spirit]

 

12. Do you think pews should be permanently equipped with Big Gulp holders?: yes___ no ___

13. How many years has your family sat in the same place for Sacrament Meeting:

 

A. 10-20 years _____

B. 20-30 years _____

C. 30-40 years _____

D. Over 3 generations _____

 

14. How much time does it take for you to fall asleep during a high council talk:

 

A. 1/100,000,000th of a second _____

B. 1/999,999,999th of a second _____

C. 1/999,999,998th of a second _____

 

15. Which day of the month do you go home/visiting teaching:

A. 31st ______

B. 31st ______

C. 31st ______

D. 31st ______

 

16. How many church basketball fights were you in last year:

 

A. 1-10 _____

B. 10-20 _____

C. 20-30 _____

D. You'll have to ask my lawyer _____

 

17. Which of the following has been your most effective Family Home Evening:

 

A. Arguing about getting along

B. Having an opening and closing prayer with dinner

C. Gathering around the television to watch, "Dancing with the Stars?"

 

18. How many times a year do you make:

A. Green Jell-O salad _____

B. Funeral potatoes _____

C. Cabbage and Top Ramen salad _____

D. Turkey , cashews and grape-stuffed croissants_____

 

19. How many water-filled two-liter bottles do you own:

A. 1-2 thousand _____

B. 2-3 thousand _____

C. 3-4 thousand _____

D. Enough to fill the Great Salt Lake _____

 

20. Which of the following do you feel is the most secure facility in the nation:

 

A. Alcatraz

B. Fort Knox

C. Ward Libraries

 

21. How many structural engineers do you hire annually to insure you'll win the pinewood derby: _________

22. Keeping the Word of Wisdom in mind, how much of the following do you consume:

 

A. Chocolate: ___ pounds daily X 365 days annually= ____

B. Cola: ____gallons daily X 365 days annually = ____

 

23. If you had to choose between witnessing the Second Coming or attending a BYU/UofU football game, which would you choose?

 

A. Second Coming _____

B. Football game _____

 

AMEN ________________________________

 

 

[willhunt4coues]

Me being LDS I find this very offensive...

 

I can remember all of the above. Is that normal as a kid?

[Slayer]

Thats funny stuff right there!

[cactusjack]

31st

31st

31st

31st

[COUESAZ]

That is good stuff. You did not add the scriptures on iPod or on the phone. So when your wife sees you playing solitare you can say no I am just reading the good word. Works for me every time.

[nohoch]

Hilarious! My wife actually made the "funeral" potatoes the other day....they're good.

[Browning'sCustomMeat]

okay, I'm lost.....hahahaha!! Just Kidding, That stuff is hilarious!!

 

-Jeremy-