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Got him opening morning

Pardon Me while I eat a little Humble Pie!!! Those that know me know of my passion for hunting, the love of hunting is only replaced by the love for my family. I am sorry to say that my passion has been a tiny bit tarnished after my recent 12A East hunt, I disappointed myself. I was thrilled with the prospects of hunting monster bucks on the North Kaibab, I realize this is a special tag and I know it is a proven area for giant mule deer. I have never, ever been someone who scores my animals, it never has seemed important; until this hunt… When asked about scouting the first question asked when I stated I’d seen deer was “What do you think he scored”? I would answer that I didn’t know, and I just wanted to find a decent buck. I kept up that pretense until opening day. My husband Roger and I arrived in camp 4 days before the hunt, although we had spent time this fall scouting, I knew watching the deer the few days before season opener was imperative. Every since I drew this tag, I was counseled to “Pray for snow” to move the deer down off the rim. Prayers going unheeded, with virtually no snow and the forecast called for temps to remain close to 60* every day, we started looking up on top of the rim. We saw a lot of deer; a bunch of small fork horns and 3 pointers, herds of does but very, very little rut activity. In those 4 days we did not see the big Kaibab buck we had all read about. Opening day is upon us, we glass and see deer but not much until we find a good buck bedded. The problem is he sees us too. I get set up and get him in the scope, I keep asking Roger if he’s a good one, he answers that he thinks it’s a really good buck. Again I ask, “No but is he a REALLY good one” then I ask something that I have never asked “What do you think he scores”? Roger was slightly dumbfounded and looks at me, he says he doesn’t know the score but it’s a big deer and I should shoot it. I then explain to him that I don’t want to shoot unless it has “this… and that.. and whatever”. Gee, all of a sudden I’m putting scores ahead of anything else. The shot was too far and we couldn’t get any closer so the big buck walked. I thought about my reaction, I made excuses to myself about how this is a trophy hunt so I need a trophy deer. As the days went by we were not seeing the bucks any longer, we would see some does but the number of deer diminished. Word came that a friend guided a client to a 190 buck way down low in the Houserock Valley. The next day we decided to pack up camp and move. The deer were even more elusive, we had a hard time finding anything, the tracks were there but we couldn’t see the deer. I hiked and hiked, glassed and glassed; getting more and more frustrated as the time went by. Weather conditions were bad, 60 plus degrees, and a bright full moon. After a bad morning where Roger and I only saw flashes of 2 does and a butt of a buck, I had my meltdown... I was upset over something as dumb as not being able to find trophy deer and our ideas of what to do next clashed, I actually yelled and cursed at Roger, my amazing husband, the same guy that has been my #1 supporter, the guy that drops everything to help me, the guy that has been getting up in the dark cold mornings for 9 straight days to help me accomplish my goals Roger stayed in camp and I went to sit a trick tank. The days were so hot; I was hoping that maybe the deer might have to water during the day. As I sat in the ground blind, I started to reflect on what had happened, I had turned my passion for the hunt into a ‘numbers’ game, who was I trying to impress? I have never even shot a mule deer, now getting a trophy is the most important thing of this hunt? I was ashamed and embarrassed, I text Roger and apologized, knowing that I owed him more than just that. I sat there for 6 hours, I reread some of the text and emails from friends and ppl from this site that were sent before the hunt started, several stood out and helped me remember why I was there For example: Remember to enjoy every minute of it. Another: Don’t get too wrapped up in scores, how many points, or impressing anyone but yourself. And last: Stay positive, this is supposed to be fun! I had lost the ‘fun’. I decided to take the next decent buck I saw, I decided it wasn’t worth being this stressed, getting in a fight with my husband, and trying to answer the question “Is it big enough?” Not two minutes later I look up and this guy is already at the water, I can’t see his antlers but I put the crosshairs on him just in case, he lifted his head and after seeing his high rack I unquestionably squeezed the trigger. There was no measuring, no counting, no figuring, I simply said to myself “Wow, nice buck”. I am pleased with my Kaibab deer, nope he’s not the monster that inhabited my dreams for months, but I worked hard, I spent a lot time in the field scouting and hunting with my husband who is also my best friend. I saw some of the most beautiful country in our state, there were times when glassing I caught myself looking at the beautiful scenery, it was spectacular watching the sunrise on the Vermillion Cliffs. Thank you to all the friends on this site for the advice, knowledge, and camaraderie. Chef, thank you so much for checking in, and for keeping my spirits up! CosninoCanines, thanks for being there and for the friendship and support! Maybe I’m just not cut out to be a ‘Trophy Hunter’ I found out I really don’t like that kind of pressure. I lost track of who I was for a short time; but I’m back and ready to put those Spring tags to good use!!!